Mom friends. One thing I hate in motherhood is how the word 'mom' is added before everything. Well not everything, but you get the jist.
- Mom friends.
- Mom clothes.
- Mom shoes.
- Mom style.
- Mom hair.
- Mom jeans.
Momager. Kidding, we don't all have our moms repping us like the Kardashians, so we'll leave that one out.
Back to the point, why can't we just make some damn friends?
There is something to be said about motherhood, it does change you. It's the evolution of life, you grow, mature, change, and optimize. Change is guaranteed, but it should be, you reproduced actual humans and are responsible for keeping them alive. Well, until they're 18.
You'll find that your capacity for BS will shrink, your tolerance for things (or people) that don't fill your tank will dissipate, and your desire to please everybody... yeah that gets smaller by the day.
The friendships you've once had will either strengthen, stagnate, or disappear altogether. It's not good or bad, it's just how it goes.
I've had all of the above. The strong relationships from the past, get better... and funnier with all this new material and absurdity around the house. They evolve, mature, and develop a higher level of love and respect.
With all that being said...
I hate the thought of having to go out and MAKE new friends like it's a job. ESH. I'm picturing a bunch of moms in a room with a speed dating setup discussing Johnny's new cafeteria trays at school.
Let's face it. If you're an introvert like me, it's always a bit difficult to jump in a conversation and introduce yourself.
"Hello, circle of women, I'm Karin, I have 5 monsters I mean children and live down the street. You've probably heard me yelling at the top of my lungs and might even have posted about me on Facebook already. I really like patience but don't seem to have much. I love red wine + margaritas, heck mix them together if it's a chaotic day and I also enjoy bringing my kids to the park where they can fight in a new environment.
Can we be friends?
Sigh, that went well 😉
Despite the humor, it's important to have friends and people you can identify with. You need a tribe, we all do. There's comfort in finding your people and is certainly worth going out on a mission to find them.
There are places to meet your tribe along the way and it doesn't have to feel like mom speed dating 👏🏼 Or it can if you prefer that, whatever your jam is mama.
There are a couple of things to remember in making friends.
Remember these when meeting people
You're not going to like everybody and they won't all like you. Good, that actually saves a huge amount of time with BS. Ain't nobody got time for that!
Be yourself. Have you ever dated somebody where you acted a certain way in the beginning only to totally despise the other person later? Casual hand raise, but many of us have. It's because you sold out to be who you thought you needed to be for that person. It doesn't work and totally feels like shit. Just be yourself.
Try it on. Just like clothes, you should try on friendships. If you like somebody, hang, chat, whatever you do to grow your friendships. If it doesn't feel right or isn't exciting later, that's ok. You don't need to propose and commit for life, neither do they. There's little time to waste and it's okay to change your mind.
So, where can I find people like me?
1. Facebook - You read it right, Facebook. Hear me out here. Facebook is a gem, it's the golden connection platform, especially for moms. You can use it to reconnect with old friends or find local events near you that spark your interest. Find events around you that you're interested in whether it's solo, as a couple, or a family. You'll find lots of like-minded people and have an easier time connecting with those around you.
2. Meet Up - Another great app for meeting people, it literally is what the site revolves around, meetups! They have a zillion different groups and types of meetups, find one that strikes your fancy and get your buns to that group. If you're not feeling the 'family' groups, maybe find one for yourself and go from there. Example: If you love hiking, join the hiking group. Path of least resistance, stick to what makes you happy and most yourself.
3. Parks - This one is obvious, ehh? Are you at the park right now while you're reading this?! The park is a great one because other parents are over there doing the same thing. They're secretly scouting for friends while Billy conquers the slide!
4. Kids school/activities - This may be the easiest place to make friends as an introvert. Instead of being at an entire park and being free to roam, when you're helping your kids at school in their classrooms there's nowhere to go! You have a direct relatability factor and generally, it's really easy to start and carry on conversations with someone you know you can identify with.
As you jump in and start those conversations, you'll realize, it's not that bad after all. Find your tribe, mama. Everybody needs a tribe to laugh with, cry with, questions WTF they are doing with, drink wine with, and cheer one another on.
Enough reading the screen, get out and find ya girls!