After you have failed over and over, you can’t help but think “I am failing. “This is my body failing me,” so when our fertility doctor told us that we would need to switch our IUI to an IVF cycle, my expectations were low to quite low. So what did I do?
When the time came for our egg transfer, we opted for only one fertilized egg implantation, which is uncommon. But we were in the mindset of having one child, period. While the 10-day wait is literally the longest wait of your entire life, we were so thrilled that our IVF had succeeded, we heard a heartbeat then left on a preplanned month-long vacation to the Philippines. We were pregnant. Hooray! Now 2 days after returning stateside, we had a sonogram and holy sh*t there’s another baby. That’s right, they FOUND ANOTHER F-ING BABY. Eddie was so happy he looked like he had won the damn lottery. Me? I was breathing into a bag. What the hell had just happened? Well, there’s a 1% chance that when you implant 1 egg, you get 2 babies. You are lookin’ at the 1% right now.
Once the shock had passed, I took this as a God-given sign.
My estranged mother had undergone IVF in the 90s, was pregnant with twins and at 6 months lost both babies. This was happening for a reason because it was meant to happen. Fast forward through a really beautiful pregnancy, my painful start to this journey blossomed into the overwhelming, all-consuming happiness that Laurent & Roman have brought into our lives.
If you are struggling with infertility…
It’s okay to talk about it. Like please talk about it. It’s not something you should be ashamed of!! You will find that when you do share, so many women have gone through the same thing, but through the guise of a smile. I wish I hadn’t hidden it. It wouldn’t have hurt so bad if I had known I wasn’t actually in my own purgatory and had been honest.
It’s also WAY okay to say f-off to anyone who asks you ‘when are you getting pregnant’? ‘Have you started trying”? It’s SO invasive and it’s okay to tell them to kick rocks.
So Why Am I THRILLED About Our Infertility
When you want something so bad and you cannot have it, when you finally do get your prayers granted, you are appreciative of every single minute moment. The moment your baby looks you in the eyes with recognition. The moment your baby squeezes back when you squeeze their little hand. The first time they try to kiss you and slobber on your nose. All of it. Eddie and my threshold and patience is infinitely higher than most parents we know because we were down on our knees begging for this moment and for this we are eternally grateful.
No matter what, please ask any and all questions as I am an open book.
Till next time
P
xo
- Author: Persephone Maglaya
- Blog: https://theeverydayvogue.com
- @Everydayvogue / @TheMaglayaTwins