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Sh*t No One Wants to Admit About Motherhood

I’m not going to BS you, I absolutely love being a Mom. I love the menial moments to experience the world through their eyes – I could go on and on BUT… there are a lot of sides to motherhood that are less than cute and to be honest kinda sucky. I asked several of you to spill your guts to me anonymously so you know that you.are.not.alone.

Big disclaimer here – This doesn’t mean I don’t love my kids, nor does it mean you don’t love yours – I’m obsessed with them. Just like with anything – husband, job, friendships, etc there are parts that are – you know – not as beautiful. It’s okay to be honest, so here we go:

Motherhood Confessions

  • WTF Just Happened to My Boobs – Whether you breastfed, pumped – whatever you did, your boobs are really the true war heroes in this whole baby thing. They get smashed, pulled, ripped at and they will never ever look the same again. Let’s dive deeper, shall we? I popped my f-ing implant out of place while pumping. That’s right, I was trying to feed the twins and at 2 am found my implant under my clavicle. This isn’t normal or dangerous, but it did happen to me and now it needs to get fixed. So yeah – this kinda sucks. I miss you former boobs.

 

    • Boogers and Nose Contraptions – Even typing this I’m gagging. I will do A N Y T H I N G to not deal with this. I know it’s needed, but I can’t. That’s Eddie’s job and tbh I’ve even had my BFF Nose Frieda for my kid because I just can’t. Give me anything else. NEXT!

 

  • The Trifecta: Mom Guilt, Postpartum + Social Media – This was overwhelming the number one confession that I received from my Mama friends that I feel like we cannot talk about this enough. Postpartum depression is suffocating on its own and then you layer on the added pressures of social media can make you feel completely isolated. Please please please speak up. You are not alone and will not be judged. It’s normal and it’s important to raise your hand and flag it to those who you love and who love you the most.

 

      • My Bod Feels Like National Geographic – You have the baby{babies} and you still look pregnant. You are eating right, moving and still have that pooch. I really really want to focus on the fact that we grew a f-ing human and your body will not be the same. It WILL be different, it will require a different diet, a new workout routine. This is the time to change things up because just like your life will never be the same post-baby, the same thing holds true with your body. Be kind to yourself and give yourself the time you need. PS If you want me to share those not-so-IG friendly postpartum body shots, I have them and I will. You tell me.

 

  • Will I ever feel sexy again? – Feeling like you lost your mojo is totally normal. I’ve talked about postpartum sex here. The good news is you will get it – but it takes time. I think we need to stop thinking that what worked in the past, will be the same. Do you need to change your hair? Do you need a new style? Think long and hard about what will make you feel good – even for a moment and harness it. How do I make myself feel sexy? I started investing a lot in workout clothes because I live in them and I spend less on regular clothes. I feel good when I go to a class and like what outfit I’m wearing and then wear it for the rest of the day. I found this small change made a big difference in how I feel daily. This also goes hand-in-hand with why making time for you is so important. Essentially you must rebuild and create new frameworks for yourself.

 

  • Will I ever be able to pee in peace again? – Lord my twins will l i t e r a l l y take their baby fingers and stick them under the door followed by ‘Mama! Mama!” Adorable right? But also, can’t I just f*cking pee and scroll on IG with no one bothering me? One day ladies, one day in the semi-distant future. Sometimes I announce I’m using the downstairs bathroom to Eddie as a signal like – please let me be and don’t let them know where I am.

 

  • I miss my alone time – The reality is your alone time is going to be a much smaller window at this point, but you must carve it out for yourself because no one is going to proactively give it to you. I tell Eddie my workout schedule in advance or alert him when I make plans with friends. That’s his signal – I need my time. This is where communication with your spouse/SO is so key. I also wake up an hour before anyone else, so I can binge watch the Kardashians in peace and eat my breakfast without someone trying to steal a bite. Making time is your investment in you.

 

  • Sometimes I’m so so so lonely – It’s so important to say this. It’s possible to feel lonely even when you are never alone aka there’s a kid always hanging on you. You can feel like you are on an island, but it’s important to find your person – I don’t care if they are your BFF, your go-to Mama friend or someone you’ve connected with on IG. Find her. Tell her. Text/message her. Sometimes we just need others to know that we need to vent and that’s okay 🙂
  • Remember when I could hold my pee? That was cool – Yeah… about that. I had a c-section and if I am jumping in a class I still get that oh sh*t moment. I have many friends who sneeze and tinkle. It happens. Welcome to your new normal.

 

    • If I had a dollar for each time I said ‘Please don’t touch your penis’ – Boy Moms stand up. You joke that it’s an inherent thing, but really it is and you’ve got to strike a balance between not shaming them, but also teaching them that it’s not kosher to flash everyone with your peen. Yeah, I went there.

 

  • I hate when my kid throws tantrums in public – Okay I’m going to level with you. My kids do this on the regular and I do not give a F. When my kids throw tantrums at home, I don’t feed it with attention, so I wouldn’t do that in public to shelter my own nonexistent embarrassment. Here’s why. We are all trying to teach our kids to be nice, polite, kind, respectable humans and we are trying our damn best. Everyone will have their moments and embarrassment is just not an emotion I’m willing to feel.

So now it’s your turn. What things about motherhood are you a little meh about?

Till next time,

P

xo

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