It's 7:29pm.
An hour ago I sent my kids away with my husband. I was beyond furious. The last straw had been pulled much earlier in the day and I was running on fumes.
This girl is on fiyaaaaa 🔥
I don't think that's what Alicia meant.
The original plan was to head to the beach together to enjoy the cool evening and blow off some steam. Summer heat is in full swing and sometimes I catch myself gazing down to be sure my skin is still intact with my body.
The beach made sense. Regardless of the heat, it's our happy place for good ole' fashioned family fun.
Bruh.
Fast forward less than sixty minutes later.
Just sixty.
At this point, I'm sitting in my room solo wondering if and when you can fully get admitted to the psych ward.
This shit is cray.
An hour ago I pulled over the car and demanded my hubby to come grab the kids. I needed a break. I had passed my breaking point, and despite trying to reason and communicate with the squad, they persisted.
Of course they did.
Fighting, arguing, selfish little asshole moves, manipulating, bratty behavior.
I know from experience, short tempers don't solve anything and if I kept going, I would have lost it.
The marbles would be gone.
I was done.
Do you ever stop and feel like a total psychopath?
If yes, how many times a day? We should really compare notes.
If your answer is no, I'm giving you the chance to look away, this could get nasty.
I am saying all of this without a hint of laughter or an ounce of judgement.
I'm sprawled out on my floor right now with a fresh cup of champs 🥂(cups can hold more duh) in total silence.
I don't even consider this a selfish thought.
I needed this. I need space.
Give me a f*cking break, there's nothing left for me to give right now.
My body feels exhausted.
My mind suddenly feels free being in total silence.
Not being needed.
This motherhood thing. I know people say it's hard, but I disagree. It's the most difficult thing I've ever done.
I'm not even going to start off with the same ole BS that everybody uses. "I love my kids but.."
Why do we feel the need to even say that?
It's a given.
I wasn't born with a cape. Nor was I born with a sexy rubber suit that would give me a role beside a strapping super hero.
(He would be my side kick anyways)
I was born as me. Just like you were born as you.
He would be your sidekick too 🙌🏽
Motherhood takes on 500 roles at once and condenses it down to the word 'mom'.
Professor can you run that math by me one more time?
There's work, bills, relationship struggles, trying to raise good humans, 401K plans, learning everybody's personality/strengths/preferences, nonstop emails from teachers, cooking, constant planning, nonstop laundry and way too much more.
That list doesn't even include our own needs, ma.
We're over here silently busting ass for everybody else, complaints in our pockets, while still being smack dab in the middle of our own journey as a human.
It's a lot to handle.
And we're all a little burned out.
F*ck.
I don't have a magnificent solution, I'm still learning myself...
I can tell you this.
Don't be too proud to take a break.
My husband called me as soon as I pulled out of the driveway saying I'm almost home, I can meet you there.
Internally, I was like NO, I need a break. Come and take them away now!
But to him, I replied. Yes, sure that's fine.
I got halfway there and realized, the break would do more than myself justice. The break was for everyone.
I was sick of hearing myself yell. And they certainly were too.
There was not much to gain by going through the motions.
We're humans. We're also mothers.
If you're burned out, ask for help.
Raise that hand high and call for a sub.
Tell your mom or friend "YES" when they ask.
Don't be like me and say no then get mad at the person for not reading your mind.
Cough.
So step back and take a break.
If you think that's selfish, think bigger.
Because if you don't, you and I might just be sharing cells at the local ward.
Gulp.
We're in this together.
Xx,
Karin
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